A kiss and a prayer

My husband left for work a few minutes ago and I think I forgot to kiss him goodbye.  My stomach hurts from that.  I was finishing my breakfast cereal when he walked over to tell me he was leaving.  He was dressed in his cycling gear.  (He drives part way then rides the rest to work each day.)  As he neared the table I noticed the hem of his jersey was unraveling.  I ran my fingers behind the fabric to get a better look.  It was coming apart and the threads were fraying.  We talked about the wear and tear of his clothes for a moment as he continued his departure preparations.  I was distracted by that and so I think I forgot to kiss him.

I hate it that my husband has to work outside our home each day.  I know that one of us has to do it, but it sucks to watch him go and to know that I won’t see him for twelve or thirteen hours…and that’s only if I’m lucky.  There’s always the chance that something catastrophic will happen and I won’t see him ever again.  I try not to think about that, but sometimes it’s really hard not to let my mind wander in that dark territory.  I almost think it’s a requirement for sanity, to imagine the worst and to mentally prepare yourself for that moment should it ever arrive.

I hear myself telling my friends and family not to “borrow trouble” that way.   Most of the time I live by that mantra myself, but I feel panicky because of that missing kiss.  I know there’s no sense in worrying over the things I can’t change.  However, I completely understand why people tell you not to go to bed angry, but rather to put the day behind you and rest a clear head on your pillow.  Only God knows when your evening slumber will be your last.  I think the same can be said for your physical parting each day.  You don’t have any idea when you will part from your family and friends forever.

I started writing this very early, but I will post it late.  The afternoon is drawing to an end and I have only a few of those hours left to wait before my husband gets home.  As soon as he does, I will get that kiss.  And to my friends and family, in case anything happens before we see one another again, know always that you are loved.

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