Assistance please…

I walked into a spider web again.  It really freaks me out, but I have come to the conclusion that I am not as bothered by the spider herself as much as I am by the web.

In fact, this spider even bounced heavily off my chest and dropped to the ground.  After I completed the obligatory oh-no-not-again-get-it-off-me-gross-nightmare-yucky-sticky spider web dance, I apologized.

“I’m sorry Ms. Spider, but I didn’t see you there.  I didn’t mean to destroy all of your beautiful artwork.  Maybe next time you can suspend your web between the two fence posts instead of between the fence and the house.  I have to walk here sometimes, you know?  I’m really very sorry.”

Argiope silk is really thick, a little stretchy and very sticky, perfect for catching dinner.  Unfortunately, it’s also perfect for quickly covering human hair and arms and eyelashes and lips and cheeks and things.

Just establishing that the actual spider isn’t on you anymore is not enough to calm you down.  You have to get all of that silky death wrap off of you too.  There’s just something creepy about it, you know?  Perfect for Halloween.  Never mind that ridiculous synthetic web stuff you can buy in a bag at Target.  Argiope silk is the real deal.

I don’t know what has possessed me to tell you again about walking into a spider web.  It’s nothing new and I am sorry about that, but it just keeps happening to me.  I feel like I’m supposed to share it.

Does anyone happen to know if there is any old folktale or fable about people and spiders, or a Chinese proverb or something?  Something from the Bible perhaps?  Something from Native American folklore?  Anything?  Anyone?  Maybe even a good line from a movie?

I’d love to amuse myself by dropping this frequent physical experience into some sort of cultural or spiritual context.  Anybody have an idea?  Maybe you’d just like to make something up?  🙂

I’m all ears.  Or eyes.  Or whatever the heck you are when you’re waiting for feedback.  Thanks.

7 thoughts on “Assistance please…

  1. Lewis Carroll said “There are certain things—as, a spider, a ghost,
    The income tax, gout, anumbrella for three—
    That I hate——————–(he then goes on to
    say —‘. but the thing I hate the most is a thing they
    call the sea.” Can’t agree with him there.

    Kindergarten teacher said “Eensy weency spider, up the water spout”
    (I won’t subject you to the rest—you know it.)

  2. All I can think about is a very old episode of Tales From the Crypt….. a women put a cursed pressed powder on her face and giant zit like thing began to grow….it almost covered her face….it burst and millions of spiders came out of it and crawled all over her….not sure if she died from this as I can not remember the ending. I am grossed out!

  3. All I can say is “AGAIN!!???” This is so very amusing to me! Maybe walking through spider webs is just your “thing”….simple as that! hahaha!

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