Just Some Stuff

What a stressful week.  This is my fifth attempt at a post for you, but nothing is coming together in my head.  It’s really scary in there – don’t look.

I’ve decided I just have to write, see what comes, then click “publish” before I think about it too much.

Our school district took yesterday off in honor of Cesar Chavez.

I didn’t remember this until I drove up to the bus loop and found the parking lot completely deserted.

My son couldn’t have smiled wider when I told him he didn’t have to go to school after all.

Yippee!  I was relieved too.

Things are getting dicey again.  He’s having more tantrums and the aides and teacher seem increasingly weary.

On Monday it took five people to wrangle him back indoors at the end of recess.  Naturally, he had a meltdown in the classroom.

I can’t blame him for wanting a break.  I want one too.

I feel like a broken record when I say that there is no environment that makes me feel less successful than his school does.

That’s really more about me though, not them and certainly not him.

My son is in the right place for the moment.  He likes it.  He learns.  He needs the routine and it’s free.

The problem is, every inch of it makes me uncomfortable.

In the course of advocating for my son over the past three years, I’ve ruffled some feathers.

I know that there are people on the campus who may not like or trust me or approve of the way I handle things.

I’m not blind to my impact on the school’s agenda, but I do what I have to do for my kid and for my own sanity, you know?

I help when I am directly asked, but I never volunteer for things.  I am not part of the PTA and I don’t attend other meetings or events if they are not directly related to my son and his educational goals.

Next week, there will be a brief conference with the teacher.  I am sort of dreading it, but not because it will include any surprises or that it will be something I can’t do.

I am dreading it because I grew up wanting everyone to like me and that’s the first casualty of a life with a special needs kid.

I have to go to these meetings knowing I will make myself unpopular.  I will ask for things they don’t want to give or don’t know how to give.  I will have to push and explain why “no” is not acceptable.  I will ruffle more feathers.

And then for a few weeks, I will have a heightened sense of disconnect with the whole place as I recover from my boldness.

I will be a little paranoid around the other parents, wondering if they know I’m that mom.

I will sit alone as I wait for my kid at the end of each day.

I will try to discern from a two second interaction with the teacher whether or not there is improvement or if she finds me and my son hopeless.

I will bite back the stressful butterflies in my stomach and go forward.  Things will get better with new strategies in place.

And then it will start again.

Yeah, I need a break.

We went to Coronado today.  I never get tired of that!  Even with big gray clouds overhead, it’s beautiful along the water.

We started at Tidelands Park as usual, played for a while, then walked to Burger King, The Coronado Cupcakery and Coldstone.

The little boy chose a big lemon cupcake with bright yellow frosting, but as usual, he rejected it without a taste for reasons we’ll never know.  😦

Husband and I were happy to eat it for him.  It was really moist and included a thin surprise layer of lemon curd near the bottom.  Delicious.  🙂

You may recall that their vanilla cupcake already has my heart♥felt approval.  Two for two.  Good job, Cupcakery!!  I love you.  😉

I haven’t been to Coldstone in about five years.  Our intention today was only to get a small scoop for the boy since he seemed disappointed with his cupcake choice.

Standing in front of the counter with a rainbow of options before us, husband and I realized we were defenseless.  Despite the cupcake still working its way to our guts, we couldn’t resist.

I highly recommend the Sweet Cream with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups crushed in.  Yummy spectacular!

Hmmm…

Can’t really think of anything else to say.

Except, oh yeah…

Big Fat Happy Birthday to my beautiful niece!!  😀

Are you really 17?

No, you can’t be!

Oh…I’m old.

Old.

5 thoughts on “Just Some Stuff

  1. He’s always liked the color yellow. Remember his yellow shirt? The one he would pick out of the dirty laundry pile?

    Maybe none of the cupcakes appealed on a gastronomical level but at least the yellow one had yellow going for it.

  2. You have to fight for you child. If you don’t, who will. Rmember, that is what is important not wheter the teachers or administrators like you. I know that is hard as we all want people to “like” us. They have a job as educators and you have a job as a mommy. Do whatever you have to do to feel that you have done all that you can do! Love you!

  3. I found your blog this morning on a ‘Possibly Related Posts (Automatically generated)’ section of another wordpress.com blog. Specifically, it was a link to Autism 101.

    My brother has autism, so I was instantly drawn to the link. I’ve had a read through some of your posts and must say I love the frank, honest, open retellings of your life as a mum with an autistic child. There’s been so much I can relate to on this blog having seen similar things throughout my own life.

    One thing I’ve noticed is that you seem to have lots of trouble with school. I don’t know where you live and whatnot, but would sending the young man to a special school maybe help? I don’t know the options available for you of course, but maybe if he was in a school that is designed for kids with special needs, he’d be able to get support needed.

    Another thing that would be of help is that every other parent would be in the same, or a similar, situation. My youngest brother goes to a special school, and it has helped my mum I think – she’s been able to make friends who understand, don’t judge and can offer support.

    Feel free to email me if you’d like to get some more info about such schools. Sounds like you do a great job. And don’t stop fighting – nothing comes without a fight.

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it and I love your suggestions and encouragement. My husband and I are always thinking about alternative schooling for our son. In fact, just this week we thought about pulling him out of public school once and for all so that we could just teach him at home! At the end of the day though, it seems that we always find that his needs are met in the special day class at the public school. We hope to mainstream him for a portion of the day at some point this year and we are pleased that he has finally (FINALLY) been assigned an amazing one-to-one aide. That is making all the difference in the world!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s