A. The cat doesn’t barf.
B: If the cat is going to barf, then he warns me first.
C: If the cat is going to barf and isn’t going to warn me, then he does it out in the open, on the tile, where I can see it.
D: If the cat is going to barf somewhere obscured from my view, then he at least has the courtesy not to do it under my favorite dining chair.
E. If the cat is going to barf under my favorite chair, then he angles it toward the front instead of behind the back leg where it will smear all over the floor when I pull my chair out to sit down for dinner. 😦
F. If the cat is going to barf behind the back leg of my favorite chair, then he has a dry barf instead of a liquidy puddle that travels under the giant bookcase thing that I can’t move.
G. If the cat is going to barf a big runny river under the giant bookcase thing, then he at least waits until after I finish my dinner so that I don’t gag on my pasta because everything around me smells like old tuna and why the hell is that?!? 😯
H. If the cat is going to barf under my chair and ruin my dinner, then he meows or something before I walk through the slimy, liquidy, chair-leggity pile and track it all over the kitchen floor.
I. If the cat is going to barf a pile for me to step in every time he freaking eats, then he doesn’t he eat so much so fast.
I. If the cat is going to barf up my evening so violently, then husband is home to witness my despair. 😦
J. If the cat is going to barf when husband isn’t home, then at least I remember to get my camera so husband can suffer it again with me later.
K. If the cat is going to barf, then he goes to a friend’s house to do it!
I’m just sayin’.
Evil dirty kitty!