Plan B

Yesterday was great for the little boy!

He was a in a good mood – lots of smiling and communication.

The principal even came to the classroom and talked to him.

We sat down together for dinner.  (If that’s what you can call three big bowls of Kraft Mac-N-Cheese.)

He went for his evening bike ride with Daddy.

All was well.

It couldn’t have been a better day.

Such a relief for tired mommy!

Then today came along and we’re back to square one.

At least, it feels like we’re back there.

He slept okay and ate the same as always, but he was agitated from the moment I got downstairs with him.

He was wiggly and irritated while I put his lunch together.

He picked out his own apple, but seemed annoyed when I tried to add a spoon for his yogurt.

He was frustrated by the computer, by his toys and by his clothing.

He always has plenty of time to play in the morning, but today he didn’t want to.

He recoiled from me when I tried to give him a hug.

He freaked out when he thought I was going to open the big garage door before he was buckled into his seat.

He kicked and shook when we stopped for red lights.

That’s actually normal, but today it seemed more desperate somehow.

He got mad at me for suggesting we go to the store on the way to school since we were so early.

We go almost every morning.

When I said “Okay, we don’t have to go to the store” he got madder and started shaking even more.

Then, through teary whines, he shakily spelled out V – O – N – S.

We went to the store.

He picked out the same stuff he always does – chocolate milk and something sweet.

When we got to school, he ran from me and got angry when I tried to hold his hand.

I hold it every morning.

When we got to the classroom line, he could not stand still and was physically agitated whenever another child tried to talk to him.

When a couple of the other kids brushed against him lightly, he started to shake and move from side to side.

By the time the aides arrived, he had visibly escalated.

The first aide took one look at him and then asked me what was wrong.

I wish I had an answer for her.

The second aide crouched down to his level to say hello.

That made him mad too.

Then he started making weird retching noises.

I knew they were probably just new vocalizations he was trying out, but they were alarming to the other kids and they came with more shaking and flinching and stimming.

I could see a giant tantrum on the horizon – the kind of tantrum that clears the classroom and leads to physical restraint.

So I took him home.

And now I sit here momentarily defeated.

Had to cancel a dentist appointment.

Had to tell my friend I can’t spend as much time with her dog today.

I’m always grateful for an unexpected day with my kid, but it pains me to take him away from school again and again.

I have an autistic child.  I have an autistic child.  I have an autistic child.

I saw that pretty redhead from Taxi on a talk show once.  What’s her name?  Marilu something.

She said she feels like the quality of life is dictated by how well you deal with Plan B.

I’m probably not getting that quite right, but I have never forgotten it.

My whole life is Plan B.

Henner, that’s her last name.  Marilu Henner.

Another time she said that she loves Sting and his music so much that she wished she could eat him up so that he would be inside of her body.

Not sure what to make of that, but remembering it kinda pulled me out of my blues for a moment.

Off to walk the dog.

Me and the boy.

Happy Bluesday Tuesday.


2 thoughts on “Plan B

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