The little boy broke more stuff today.
I snapped at him.
I cried some more.
Hate myself for not just letting it roll off my back.
He’s really excited about Christmas. He has been bouncing off the walls all day. He wants to hang EVERYTHING on the tree and he wants to do EVERYTHING himself, including things he really can’t or shouldn’t do.
I have less patience this week than I ought to.
And such guilt.
Husband and I got to talking over dinner with some friends about how much waiting kids have to do at the holidays.
While the grown-ups get together and cook and eat and exchange pleasantries, the kids wait. And wait. And wait some more.
I think my son does a lot of waiting.
I think my son does a lot of waiting for something he is sure will be exciting. Instead he gets more waiting, nothing too exciting and a mom who snaps. And maybe a vague sense that the snapping has something to do with him.
I think my son probably doesn’t understand why grown-ups take so damn long to do everything and when they do it, they don’t have the same joy about it that he does. I think my son deserves a mom who isn’t tired. A mom who finds that same joy and shares it with him as well and as often as he shares it with her.
I try to be that mom. I do. I really do. I don’t think I am though.
My son is so hopeful. I hate that I can rob that from him with impatience or delay or fatigue or a quick temper. He deserves more.
Tomorrow, I will try to give him more.
Day Twenty-Seven 2010 Pumpkin Demise
I took some of these photos in the morning and some just before dusk today.
The later pix are softer, even downright fuzzy, for some reason.
I don’t know if I chose the wrong camera setting or if it was just dark clouds in the late afternoon sky that made the difference.
I decided to include the later pix anyway since there are a few cute ones of the boy and his chocolate mouth.
Oh, and just in case any of you are worried, I will not be showing you the demise of those other squash on a daily basis.
P.S. My oldest cat barfed in three places on the floor behind me as I was typing this. 🙄