I left the school in tears again today.
The little boy started out happy and was looking forward to his morning run with his classmates. But there was an assembly scheduled first thing, so they didn’t do the laps. My son had a complete meltdown.
After ten minutes of trying to calm him and offering to run with him myself, I realized I had to leave and let the aides deal with whatever he dished out. It killed me to walk away while he was so distraught, but I had to.
I drove to a thrift store. Browsing there would cheer me up.
There was a man in the store who reminded me of Willie Nelson, partly because of his looks, partly because he had a lovely southern accent and gentlemanly way about his speech, but mostly because he was singing.
He wandered through the store much like I did, only extroverted and conversational with everyone he passed. The last word or two of each sentence he heard reminded him of a song which he would then happily sing as he browsed some more. Hymns, carols, interesting old country hits, he knew all the words and he carried the tunes.
He walked and looked and found more clerks and customers with whom to exchange pleasantries. With each of them, he found a new song. And he had a lovely voice. A lovely, homey, comfortable, Willie Nelson voice. And I love Willie Nelson.
But I was in my autism fog, blue and teary, with a lump in my throat and no courage in my demeanor. I didn’t want to be one of the people this man spoke to. I didn’t want to be one of his songs. So I had to navigate through the store carefully, being small and quiet. And I’m not very good at that, so it stressed me out. Lovely song man stressed me out. And made me stay in the store longer than I wanted, just so I could avoid him.
Once I finally made my escape, I headed to the grocery store. That was rife with even more awkward social moments. I still can’t believe I asked a twenty-year-old produce boy if he had fresh zucchini. 😳
My mind raced this morning – everywhere I try not to let it go.
When I got back into my car, I flipped on the radio and was annoyed to find Gloria Penner at the Editor’s Roundtable, discussing unemployment. I usually love Gloria Penner and the editors too, but people without work at Christmastime? Too depressing for me today. I pushed another button. I thought music might boost my mood.
Nope. It didn’t. Four more stations – all playing sad ballads or songs of despair. I wanted a lift, you know? I wanted something to pull me from my melancholia. I’m not the type to indulge the sad music. I was looking for a way out of that.
Suddenly it occurred to me that I could turn to a Spanish station. I understand a lot, but I probably wouldn’t be able to translate lyrics fast enough to be bothered by them. I could tune out the words and just hear something musical and cheery. Fighting back a fresh wave of mom tears, I pushed another button on the radio.
I sold myself short. I understood every word. And do you know what they were talking about on the Spanish language station when I tuned in? Oh, you will never guess.
Sangre. That’s what. Sangre en el papel y en la taza. Sangre de hemorroides.
I’m depressed. I’m looking for something to cheer me up and these people are talking about hemorrhoids on the radio.
Pain, itch, general discomfort and sangre.
On the radio.
Well, what do you know?
That cracked me up! No pun intended.
I laughed in Spanish too.
I’ve lost track of my photos, so if these are duplicates, I apologize! 😀