Here We Go Again

The little boy’s aide is leaving.  That was the straw that broke this camel’s back.  I just cried to my mom.  Sorry, Mom.

This has been such an emotional year for me.  I don’t even think I fully realized why until today.

I told my mom that my son is right on the cusp of knowing he is different from other kids.  His awareness of the world is expanding and it won’t be long before he knows that his place in it may not be the same as it is for his cousins and his friends.  That kills me.  I am sad for him.

He’s going through a growth spurt.  Husband brought that up the other day and I realized he is right.  The boy has been drinking milk and milkshakes and chocolate milk like crazy – a sure sign that he is wanting fast calories.  Every few months he goes on an intense dairy binge and then suddenly his pants are all too short again.  He has grown an inch since September.

Maybe it’s just this lickety split growth plan that has caused me to see the future a little too fast this Christmas.  He’s too big for some of the toys he’s getting, but he wants them and he will play with them anyway.  The juxtaposition of his long legs against a pile of little stuffed animals on his bed is a constant reminder.  He is outgrowing everything.

Everything except his innocence and dependence on adults.  That’s just changing its nature, but it’s not going away.  Someday really soon, he will depend on us for explanations.  And that’s what makes my eyes wet.  Because I don’t have any explanations.

What possible reason for the aide’s departure could ever make sense to my son?  Not one.  She’ll just be gone and he will miss her.  We will both miss her.

P.S.  He still looks like this to me:

Happy Tuesday.


4 thoughts on “Here We Go Again

  1. You made me cry too. This is why being a parent is the HARDEST thing in the world. It’s hard for you, it’s hard for your mom. I will pray and send all the good thoughts I can muster your way that you will find the words when you need them and you will find peace. At least peaceful moments.

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