Things I learned…

Things I learned while attending Pay Less Low Cost Speedy Online Traffic School today:

I know more about traffic laws than I thought I did.

I know just as little about cars as I thought I did.

Trixie likes fish tacos.

I’d rather be blogging.  (Guess you answered my questions of yesterday.)

I’d rather be doing anything else.

Traffic laws are really boring.

It’s liberating to finally finish this kind of crap.

Americans are masters at feigning knowledge.

You can make anything happen for $57.92.

Things I learned from your feedback (comments, e-mails, and conversations) to yesterday’s post:

I am part of Alan’s reality.  🙂

My brother stops by on occasion.

My other brother does not.

I’m not as gloomy and unbearable as I believed.

I am as gloomy and unbearable as I believed.

Husband is one of my most consistent supporters.

I have to write.

I have to write out loud.

There are parents with kids on the spectrum in my occasional audience.  And that’s the coolest thing of all, because it’s parents – plural – and I only ever hoped for one.

Things I learned just now while eating a bag of M&Ms:

I could have done without them.

Damn, they were good.

Things I learned at Walmart a few days ago:

It’s not as bad as they say.

If you look carefully enough, you will find a beauty product you love.

Blimpie is dead – no more Coca Cola Icees after shopping.  Sigh.

It really is cheaper than anywhere else.

I still love that square tub of salsa in the veggie aisle.

That’s it for today.

Traffic school poked a hole in the side of my brain and all my smarts ran out.

See you tomorrow.

Happy Thursday.

P.S.  Husband has been planting…

and digging…

 

and relocating rocks…

and speaking in tongues garden jargon…

something about French drains and pebbles and water flow.

I’ll keep you posted.  😀

♥♥

Blog or Not?

Okay lurkers, de-cloak and tell me if I should call it quits with this.

In the past few months I have been really struggling with whether or not it makes sense for me and my family to continue the blog.

I need to write, there’s no mistake about that.

And I need to be truthful when I do it.

But I am starting to worry about how this all looks to outsiders.

I see the comments people leave on popular blogs.  (Not that mine is, or ever will be, popular.)

I know how critical the world is and how easily things are taken out of context, mercilessly scrutinized, and then judged unfairly.

I am hard on myself and I don’t always write about my recoveries, you know?

I don’t elaborate on the hugs and the triumphs of my motherhood as much I do on the tantrums and my parenting failures.

I can only imagine what the world thinks of me.

My mom is concerned that those who don’t know me will think the worst, and maybe even use my own writing to somehow harm me or my family.

And maybe I worry about that too.  I’m candid, and it’s usually when I am disappointed in myself.

When I’m at the school, I wonder every minute if the other parents or the teacher or the aides are reading the blog and thinking I’m the worst mom ever.

This morning, a little girl in the line next to ours was playing with a small glass stone.  She brought it to school to show her classmates, but when the bell rang she was tossing it up into the air over and over again and only catching it about half the time.

I told her to put it away.  She asked why and I explained that it could hurt someone if it hit them on the head when it fell.  She was not in the mood to have me tell her what to do.  She continued to throw it behind my back, assuming I had no peripheral vision.

I probably should have said something more to her, but I was suddenly possessed by paranoia because of the blog.  What if all of the adults on the playground read my posts and long ago decided I suck at parenthood?  Maybe none of them would appreciate my attempt at maintaining order in the chaos of the morning playground line-up.  Maybe they would even ask me to leave or keep my mouth shut.  That’s what the blog does to me sometimes.

On other occasions it makes me brave.  I meet moms who seem completely overwhelmed by parenting a special needs child and I feel lucky to have a voice and the courage and skill to use it.  I get what my son needs, wherever we go.  I get what I need.

But I don’t know from moment to moment which of those feelings outweighs the other.  Am I too paranoid?  Or am I confident in how I manage my family and my life?

My mom and I had lunch today and discussed a few related topics.  I have considered ending the blog.  My mom suggested I leave it up and think carefully about whether or not I want to keep doing it.  I asked her if she thought I shouldn’t instead take it down and consider whether or not I want to keep doing it.  I don’t recall that either of us could answer that question.

So I guess that’s what I’m asking all of you.

Should I keep writing the blog?

Should I keep telling you about the dark moments in my parenting?

Should I worry that some jerk with an agenda will one day try to make trouble for me and my family by twisting something I’ve said or judging me out of this greater context?

What do you think?

I really, really want to know.

P.S.  Happy Wednesday.

P.P.S.  I finally finished my book and passed it on to a friend.  Now I’m reading a children’s book by the same author.  It’s probably just as well that it’s meant for kids, because my brain is usually pudding by the time I have a few minutes for leisure reading.

I got both of these titles for under a dollar at the thrift store.  Happy happy smile smile.

P.P.P.S  Did I tell you that I sent my kid to school with a giant safety pin holding his pants together yesterday?  😳  He really wanted to wear them, but they were too big and all of his other pants were in the washer.  If only I had remembered to tell the aide that I’d done it, but I forgot.  I don’t know why I think the blog is such a damning source of my parenting failures.  Seriously?  Can you imagine sending an autistic eight-year-old to school with a giant pin in his waistband?  I didn’t even have to write anything to look bad for that one.  Sigh

♥♥

Popular Themes Hot Story

Last night I wrote a little note to tell you that one of my blog posts has been hijacked by a Russian website.

I think my writing may have been translated to Russian and then back to English.

It looks pretty bad.

There are typos, wrong words and a host of punctuation problems that are not in my original, but it’s clearly my content.

I included the link in my note last night and even published it for you, but just before bed, I deleted it again.

My husband and I decided it might be better to let you google “bockychoy” and find it yourself.

The Russian site is not X rated, but it does seem to lean toward a more mature audience.  (Less mature?)

I don’t think there’s anything truly sinister about the site, but they did steal my stuff, so I’m not sure I want them to have a link directly to my blog.

They took one of my titles, The Little Girl Around The Corner, and changed it to “The Little Lass Around The Corner” to accompany the text from my post Portable Junk Drawer.

Doesn’t make sense to me, but whatever.

The whole thing does sort of amuse me, especially the big cloud of topic tags that appears on the same page with my ruined writing.

If I weren’t so annoyed by the blatant thievery, I might even feel flattered.  Ha!

Yeah…but I don’t.

Welcome to the hazards of the blogosphere.  🙂

Dreams and disclaimers

A week or so has passed since I began to post my writing for public consumption.  Your reactions have been varied.  Obviously, a few of you posted your responses without delay and weren’t shy about putting your names right there where I (and all of the WWW) can see them.  I love that.  And a few of you sent me long e-mails to express your concern or to reassure me that I wasn’t a mean girl.  I love that.  And a few of you have said nothing in black and white, but told me over the phone that you appreciate something I said.  I love that too.  And one of you bluntly told me not to concern myself with my audience.  I really love that.  So I figure it’s about time I shared the following ideas I have for this blog-o-mine:

Dreams:

Tons of feedback – good or bad, silly or serious, private or public.  I want it all.  Send me an e-mail, comment directly to the blog post, call me up or even send me a card via snail mail.  Just don’t ever hesitate to speak your mind.  I can take it.  I swear.

Links to your blogs – I’d like to see them.  And let me know if you want me to add a link to my blog so that our blogs can be happy linky friends.

Fatten my audience.  I don’t mean that you should eat cake.  Well, actually I do mean that.  But I also mean that you can share my blog with your friends if you like.

Disclaimers:

Things aren’t pretty yet and they may not be for a while.  I’m just getting started.  Give me some time to figure out all the groggy bloggy blarney.

I will read your every comment and cherish every revelation you have about my life, but I will employ or ignore your advice as I see fit.  I love you all, but if I listened to everybody, I’d be Sybil…you know what I’m saying?

I will try to respond to your comments as much as I can, but writing the new blog will always come first.  If you don’t get something back right away, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.  Because I do.  And then some.  After all, you’ve read this far through my disclaimers.  You should be loved.

Anyhoo, I guess that about sums it up.  Oh, one more thing, I reserve the right to change this whole list whenever I feel like it and just because.

Thanks.