He goes back to school on Tuesday.
Stay tuned for a thrift store adventure report!
I don’t know how often I can come on here and say the same things.
Life is hard. And easy. And ugly. And beautiful.
Life is hard…
because my autistic son needs everything to be a certain way and, despite the good intentions of everyone in my life, very few really understand how insanely difficult it is to parent him.
He seems so incredibly normal – whatever the hell “normal” is. He is beautiful. He is smart. He is talkative and cheerful. He is happy and animated and very cooperative. Until he isn’t.
Over the two-week break, he hit me a few times. 😦 He pushed me too. On one of the days he had a meltdown like I can’t even describe. He screamed, he broke things. The usual.
He yells about everything. “No take the plate to the kitchen!” “No mama say!” “No mama singing!” “No music!” “No. No. No!”
And then there’s the OCD stuff…
He has a thing about the pantry door. He has to close it a certain way, at a certain time, repeatedly. He chants his little chants, he swings it shut and pulls it open and swings it shut and pulls it open and swings it shut and pulls it open and SLAMS it closed. And all of the things that hang from the inside of the door go crashing to the tile below. LOUD. LOUD. LOUD.
And the bathroom door. He closes and opens it too. All the time. Just because.
He writes math problems for himself every night. He leaves the papers all over the table. He does this when I am in the pit of the day’s fatigue. Consequently, his math papers never get picked up. Our house is an overwhelming wreck. It depresses me. I am tired and life is hard.
Life is easy…
because I have three fabulous moms and a good friend who listen to all of it. Life is easy because husband knows how it is and he’s here everyday seeing it, feeling it, and being in it with me. And when he isn’t here to make it easier on me, he’s out there to make it easier on me. He works so that I can take care of our kid. And our house. And our laundry. Our never ending, steaming mountains of laundry.
Life is ugly…
because of stupid, evil, mean people who make me sick with worry for my son…and his future…and the potential dangers that await him.
Life is beautiful…
because the yelling, pushing, screaming, toy throwing little boy is also sweet and kind and funny and he makes up songs about silly things like my jiggly arms. 😀 I love him.
Life is beautiful because I get to see my good friend every few months and we always have a great day together somewhere. On Sunday, we went to the Long Beach Flea Market and I bought a water fountain. It’s perfect for our little yard, but it weighs a gazillion pounds.
Life is beautiful because the vendor wanted $75 and we talked him down to $50.
Life is beautiful because my friend carried the dirty top part of the fountain a great distance to my car for me.
Life is beautiful because there is ibuprofen to ease the pain and stupidity of carrying the lower section of the fountain by myself. Day four and I am still achy breaky.
Life is beautiful because we had a very pleasant lunch at Bono’s Long Beach with the best creme brulee I have ever tasted in my life. The portion was HUGE and my friend didn’t want any. 🙂 Thank you, silly friend.
I got these guys for me:
Their bodies are hinged so you can sway their little legs back and forth if you want to. I know you want to. 🙂
Life is life.
The Mellowest Cat Ever
I love him because he playfully grabbed my fingers and purred at me like we were old friends, just sitting on the floor of our living room.
But we were at Home Depot, he was in a shopping cart, and I was a stranger.
I might have stolen him…
if his owner hadn’t been so sweet and funny and obviously smitten with her little feline friend. She told me that Kitty is easier to shop with than her children were when they were young.
Llamas & Rabbits
My son and I love the Llama Llama books by Anna Dewdney.
We have three and can’t wait to get the others.
Dewdney’s latest is on the right – Llama Llama Home With Mama.
Here is a sneak peek at one of her charming new illustrations – hope I don’t get in trouble for sharing!
You can’t read this title online as yet, but you can peruse the others with this link to wegivebooks.org.
This site offers a great way to donate books to children who need them, but you don’t have to donate just to look. Don’t worry if a donation message pops up. Just click the “x” to finish. Unless you want to donate! 🙂
While you’re there, check out Nobunny’s Perfect too! We have only read it online and it’s already another of our favorites. The bunnies have a few behavioral issues in common with my son. 😐
A Sly Squirrel
I don’t remember where I got this little fellow – maybe a gift from the lovely mom-in-law??
Every year, I forget that he’s in the closet, waiting patiently with the other decorations.
When I open the box and find him inside, I always feel like I’ve bumped into an old friend.
He is my favorite little bit of Fall. 🙂
P.S. Someday soon I’ll post more pictures of the things my son tapes to the walls in our house. He does it so often that we almost don’t notice anymore. Almost.
This thing was taped up across from the laundry doors for over a week. 😐 It was really in the way and we never understood exactly what it was, but we left it alone.
What can I say? The boy loves paper and tape and weird little stuff (just like his mama) and he does everything with such purpose. If he thinks it needs to be on our wall, then it’s pretty much gonna be on our wall.
Today he threw a suitcase into the air, hit himself repeatedly, screamed, whined, shook, knocked over chairs and basically destroyed our front room.
I screamed at the top of my lungs too and now my throat hurts. And of course, I feel like a failure as a mother because I lost my cool and couldn’t stop his behavior.
He made a weekend schedule yesterday. This morning, he couldn’t find it. That was the cause of the tantrum.
He doesn’t care about the ease of scribbling out a new schedule. He doesn’t care that he is able to tell you everything that he wants to do today. He wants the paper he made. He is devastated that it’s gone.
The aggravation for me is that he won’t look for it. He reduces to tears, then escalates to rage, be cause I can’t find it.
It makes absolutely no difference to him that I have never seen it. I don’t know what color it is or how big it is, and I certainly have no idea where he last put it. He is just beside himself with anger and grief because I can’t produce it the moment he asks.
I turned his room upside down, looked in the bathroom and sifted through the piles and piles of his papers downstairs. All of that and nothing. No schedule. No end to his meltdown.
It’s only 7:20 a.m. and I am already exhausted.
How is your week going?
P.S. This was our Tuesday:
The little boy is enamored of arms. For months now, he has been fascinated with freckles and veins and moles and anything that sets an arm apart from the one next to it. He likes to study these things.
Mostly, it’s kind of charming. He is gentle and sweet and genuinely interested in the differences between us and himself.
Sometimes though, it’s sort of annoying. My arms are not my best feature, you know? I don’t really want him to point them out in public, much less unexpectedly reach his hand up my sleeve and shake them. 😐
To combat this unwanted activity, I started pulling him close and threatening “if you jiggle me, then I tickle you!” It stopped him about three times.
Now he has, in fact, used the word “jiggle” to nickname my arm. And his dad’s arm too. (Though dad’s doesn’t actually jiggle.)
Okay, it’s a little funny.
A few weeks ago he came up to me, his eyes full of love for my fleshy underarm, and he said “Thomas hug the jig?”
Seriously? I don’t even get the rest of the word, now?
My husband and I both laughed, but I don’t know. It just sounds wrong or something, doesn’t it?
Well, whatever, that’s what he says now. My arm is “the jig.” More specifically, the squishy, unfit, underside of my upper arm is called “the jig.”
Oh, and “tickle puff.” Sometimes he just calls it “tickle puff.”
The thing is…
the boy has eyes for other arms too.
He just likes to hug people, you know? He sees their bare skin and he smiles. He is fascinated and wants to wrap himself around them and just hug.
Most of the teachers and aides who know him at school are fine with his latest obsession. None of them seem to mind this extra attention from my smiling boy.
The other parents? Well, I’m not so sure about them. I don’t think any of them would be troubled by an accidental nudge from a stray kid, but fawning adoration of a specific body part? I don’t think they would be too welcoming of that. They don’t know him. They don’t know that he’s harmless and sweet.
Every morning as we stand in the line for his classroom, my son eyeballs the arriving parents.
It’s hot in August and all those mamas have on tank tops and spaghetti straps and short sleeves.
My son is fascinated. He smiles, he laughs, he looks, he really wants to hug.
Today, one of the moms I’ve never met (and whom I’m a little put off by, actually 😐 ) showed up in a strapless sundress. Oy. She sat at the picnic tables with the kids who were eating breakfast.
Nothing happened, but only because I never took my eyes off of my son.
He skipped up to the tables, deftly weaved between the other kids and was standing next to strapless mama in about two seconds flat.
Her back was to him, so she never knew that she almost got an arm squeeze.
I called him back before he did it and tried to explain that he couldn’t hug just any jiggling arm.
I don’t know if my words made sense to him or not. I’m guessing not, since I’ve told him this same information every day for several weeks and nothing has changed.
We get to school, we stand in line, and the boy starts jonesin’ for some jig.
Watch this space…
Next month, he’ll have a new obsession.
Sweet potato. 🙂
As I typed this, he wouldn’t leave my arm alone. Just now he asked me “Thomas hug the jiggy?”
I got some letters back. 😀
P.S. Those pix above are from our weekly IHOP visit.
P. P.S. Husband is making little changes in the yard this week. I’ll post a few pix in the next day or two. For now, look what I brought in to put on the counter. I love, love, love the bright orange.
Sweets for me and my sweets
There’s tiramisu in the fridge again. (Insert contented happy dance here.)
It’s such a mess to make, but so worth the effort and the cocoa dusted counter tops.
Have I mentioned lately how much I hate grout?
It’s everywhere in my home and nowhere in my dreams.
And this evening, my grout is cocoa powder brown. 😐
But like I said, there’s tiramisu in the fridge again.
And it’s the good kind.
The almond kind.
It’s not the rum kind.
It’s this kind. 🙂
OCD and then some
The little boy is going through an increased phase of obsessive compulsive behaviors again.
He has some of these behaviors all the time, but every month or so they intensify for a while.
It makes us tired. And frustrated. And teary. And sometimes really, really mad.
He will insist we do things for him that we haven’t done since he was a baby, or ever.
Tonight, for instance, he called me to come into the bathroom as he was finishing his shower.
“Mama, pull the plug?”
I’ve really never pulled the plug for him after his bath time, but suddenly, he is desperate for me to do it.
When I refuse and explain that it’s his responsibility to pull the plug, he starts a tantrum.
I leave the room. 😐
He has also started asking us to push him or carry him everywhere again.
THAT makes me lose my mind.
I sit at the dining table with my cereal and he wants me up so that I can carry him three feet, from the kitchen to the couch.
I ask if his legs are broken.
Sometimes, he gets the point.
Sometimes, not so much.
And just now, he was standing in the kitchen with me.
He was waving a cloth napkin in his hand.
“Mama put the napkin down?”
He wanted me to take it from him so that I could put it on the counter.
You get the picture.
Penny for your thoughts. And your patience, please.
Before we weened ourselves away from the little boy’s private psychologist, we got one last piece of great advice.
She suggested we offer him a penny every time he waits patiently at a red light.
Until we started doing that, he would absolutely freak out in the car.
He doesn’t like to wait.
He doesn’t like things he can’t control.
Traffic + his being in the backseat with a limited view = intersection of all anxiety, mine and his.
I’ve written before about being pelted in the head with McDonald’s toys, having my seat kicked, having my ear drums pained by sudden blood-curdling screams, and having papers and magazines torn to pieces.
All because of red lights. Or pedestrians. Or bicycles. Or buses.
Being in the car pretty much sends my kid into the deepest recesses of his autism.
Or at least it did, until we started the pennies.
Now, things are usually okay.
And this week we took the pennies to Vons and threw them into a CoinMaster machine.
He bought another nightlight. 😀
In the wake of some marital strife – no, you don’t get details – I have concluded that the husband needs a fabulous weekend like I had in Pasadena.
I suggested it today and though we do have a lot on the calendar in the next several weeks, I think it will work with some creative planning.
So, husband, start thinking about all the guy stuff you wanna do.
I will help with reservations. 🙂
And that’s all she wrote.