I don’t know how often I can come on here and say the same things.
Life is hard. And easy. And ugly. And beautiful.
Life is hard…
because my autistic son needs everything to be a certain way and, despite the good intentions of everyone in my life, very few really understand how insanely difficult it is to parent him.
He seems so incredibly normal – whatever the hell “normal” is. He is beautiful. He is smart. He is talkative and cheerful. He is happy and animated and very cooperative. Until he isn’t.
Over the two-week break, he hit me a few times. 😦 He pushed me too. On one of the days he had a meltdown like I can’t even describe. He screamed, he broke things. The usual.
He yells about everything. “No take the plate to the kitchen!” “No mama say!” “No mama singing!” “No music!” “No. No. No!”
And then there’s the OCD stuff…
He has a thing about the pantry door. He has to close it a certain way, at a certain time, repeatedly. He chants his little chants, he swings it shut and pulls it open and swings it shut and pulls it open and swings it shut and pulls it open and SLAMS it closed. And all of the things that hang from the inside of the door go crashing to the tile below. LOUD. LOUD. LOUD.
And the bathroom door. He closes and opens it too. All the time. Just because.
He writes math problems for himself every night. He leaves the papers all over the table. He does this when I am in the pit of the day’s fatigue. Consequently, his math papers never get picked up. Our house is an overwhelming wreck. It depresses me. I am tired and life is hard.
Life is easy…
because I have three fabulous moms and a good friend who listen to all of it. Life is easy because husband knows how it is and he’s here everyday seeing it, feeling it, and being in it with me. And when he isn’t here to make it easier on me, he’s out there to make it easier on me. He works so that I can take care of our kid. And our house. And our laundry. Our never ending, steaming mountains of laundry.
Life is ugly…
because of stupid, evil, mean people who make me sick with worry for my son…and his future…and the potential dangers that await him.
Life is beautiful…
because the yelling, pushing, screaming, toy throwing little boy is also sweet and kind and funny and he makes up songs about silly things like my jiggly arms. 😀 I love him.
Life is beautiful because I get to see my good friend every few months and we always have a great day together somewhere. On Sunday, we went to the Long Beach Flea Market and I bought a water fountain. It’s perfect for our little yard, but it weighs a gazillion pounds.
Life is beautiful because the vendor wanted $75 and we talked him down to $50.
Life is beautiful because my friend carried the dirty top part of the fountain a great distance to my car for me.
Life is beautiful because there is ibuprofen to ease the pain and stupidity of carrying the lower section of the fountain by myself. Day four and I am still achy breaky.
Life is beautiful because we had a very pleasant lunch at Bono’s Long Beach with the best creme brulee I have ever tasted in my life. The portion was HUGE and my friend didn’t want any. 🙂 Thank you, silly friend.
I got these guys for me:
Their bodies are hinged so you can sway their little legs back and forth if you want to. I know you want to. 🙂
Life is life.