Autism Anxiety

I’m really worried about my son this week.

He doesn’t want to go to school and once he’s there, he just keeps asking to go to the bathroom.

I’ve already taken him to the doctor to rule out physical issues – none found.

The teachers and I believe it’s an avoidance tactic.  He doesn’t want to be in the classroom, so he has learned how to get out of it.

Yesterday he had a rough time.  Tantrums all day.  At one point he threw a chair.

I’m scared for him.  He’s only getting bigger and more difficult to manage.

Obviously, his behavior in the last ten days is indicative of a problem.  I’m just not sure exactly what that is.

I feel like we’re losing him again.  I thought perhaps the spring break had done him a disservice and thrown him off his happy-happy-school game.  He has been craving sensory input (hand squeezing, head rubbing, etc.) more than usual since school resumed.

This morning I stopped by to talk about this with the principal.  She was in a hurry to get to a meeting, but she did tell me that there’s a new student in the class.

His teacher mentioned that a few days ago, but I dismissed it as the chief cause of my son’s escalated emotions.  He generally pays little attention to his peers.

The principal went on to say that the new kid has been crying and hard to manage, so maybe they’re right.  Maybe this other child is the root of my son’s recent flurry of frantic behaviors.

I gave the principal a note asking for a member of the behavior support staff from the district to work with my son this week.  I want them to figure out the problem and address it.  In Kindergarten, the behavior team had to work with my son for two months, several hours a day.  It helped immensely, but the moment they quit, he started having problems again.  That’s when we got him the full-time aide.

He still has an aide now and she’s wonderful – sweet, young, energetic.  He likes her and so do I, but she’s not really trained to work with behavior issues.

My son is tough to deal with on a good day, but now?  Now, he’s a total class disruption.  The teacher looked exhausted when she recapped yesterday for me.  My son frequently derails the order in her room.

His resistance to school is so strong this week that I had to physically scoot him out the door again this morning.  We knocked over an ice cooler in the garage on the way to the car.  The noise of that startled me to tears.  I am defeated by the futility of our morning routine.  I had to lift him into the car and then lift him out when we got there.

I hate the way that makes me feel.  It seems wrong to force him to go somewhere he is clearly in distress, but our options are limited.

My mom has asked me several times if there is another school we could enroll him in, someplace that would be better for him.  My answer is always the same.  Right now, I don’t believe there is.  I’ve mentioned before that we moved him briefly last year with disastrous results.  I won’t do that again unless I have to.

We need to make this school work, through hell or high water, sometimes both.  (Today he is well geared for the high water in a pair of pants that are two inches shorter than they should be.  I can’t keep him stylish when he grows like a weed.  It feels like yet another of my personal failings.)

I realize I’m rambling now, but I’m kind of upset.  I am frightened for my child.  Yesterday he threw a chair.  What if he throws another one today and it conks some other kid in the head?

I’ve asked the principal for help and I feel that it’s partly up to her now, but I can’t shut off the overactive worry and immense sense of responsibility I have, even for a moment.  Not even when he’s in the school’s capable hands for the rest of the morning.  I have stress knots in my stomach again.

Thank God he sees his private psychologist this afternoon.  I get to pick him up early.  At least my gut will be tortured that much less today.  At least my kid will get some serious one-to-one play time with a trained professional.

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